LeanneBennett.com

I've been thinking recently about all the contradictions that confront us in life.  They are everywhere. First we are told to do one thing, often with complete certainty and conviction. We take this in and accept it as fact only to hear from another source a completely different and quite opposite piece of advice. However this information is also shared with absolute confidence and the ring of truth. So what to believe?

For example, I've received the message numerous times that I should be putting a PIN code on my mobile phone to prevent anyone else from using it. This way, if my phone were lost or stolen (a horrible thought) then all my details would not be available to whoever took/found my phone. So, the advice goes, there should be a secret code to access my phone at any time in order to keep my data safe.

Well, this is true really. If I lost my phone, I'd lose an awful lot of information, (not to mention being gutted about the loss of the phone itself!) both personal things and data that I wouldn't want anyone else to have access to. So I keep thinking about putting a PIN code into my phone. 

But then, I keep coming across these recommendations about ICE. Have you heard about this? ICE = In Case of Emergency. We are instructed to put an entry into our mobile phones under the name ICE, containing the contact details of our next of kin. This makes it easy, if something were to happen to you, for emergency workers to know who to contact without having to know the actual name.

Now that makes sense!  What a good, sensible idea.

But wait, if I have an ICE contact, how can the emergency personnel see it if they don't know my PIN code? Oops.

In a similar vein, I've been warned (especially being a woman who is often in the car on her own) that I should always be locking my car doors.  Always, always, always. Why? Because if I don't, some unknown assailant could rip open my door at a traffic light and then I'm completely vulnerable. Said criminal could grab my handbag and make off with it, or worse, could force his/her way into my car and try to take the car away from me. YIKES! So for YEARS now, I've been hypervigilant about locking my car doors. And not just when I'm driving, but when I'm parked as well. No one is going to surprise me without at least taking out a window!

But then I hear that I shouldn't be locking my car doors. Why? Because if I'm in an accident, especially a serious one and/or a situation where my car is likely to be struck by other cars, then no one will be able to get to me or move my car to a safe place. Yeesh! That sounds awful.

So do I risk potential thieves/hijackers or do I risk being stuck in my car when I would clearly need medical attention? Tough one!

Contradictions also come down to a more personal level.  When I first had children, I heard continuously about how important the early years are and how a mother should be with her children at this critical time. Okay, that makes sense. A child needs a mother tremendously in the early years. I stayed at home with all of my babies as long as I could, really until financial demands made it imperative that I be working.

Then I start reading about how staying home with children, even during maternity leave, is interrupting women's careers and how this issue is causing all women to be discriminated against. Apparently many managers assume that women are either not that dedicated to their careers, (We're just passing the time until we can go home and take care of babies, right?) or else that all women will be haivng babies at some point and therefore disrupt the system.  So, what, I'm supposed to feel guilty for having my children? I'm supposed to support the sisterhood by not having children? Well I didn't feel guilty, (and I certainly didn't choose to avoid having babies) but I'm sure some women did.  

But then we started talking about women 'having it all'. You were supposed to have your children (and don't leave it too late, because then you're increasing your chances of infertility!) AND have your career, and be dedicated to both. An exhausting enterprise to be sure, but that category fit me better, so I've honestly tried my best. And I've had a reasonable amount of success at both. Both areas have been fulfilling for me -- my children are wonderful people that I feel very grateful to have in my life, (hopefully they would say the same about me) and I've built a pretty successful career that has been very challenging and interesting for me over the years.

But then we're told we shouldn't have to do it all, that 'Superwoman' is a myth and no woman can juggle all those demands.  We hear that our children are suffering and we should feel guilty for neglecting them by trying to hold down these demanding full-time jobs that don't leave enough of us to share with our families.

Well great. So not only should I not be trying to do it all, I shouldn't be enjoying the bits that I do accomplish. And it seems I should feel guilty for needing anything other than 'just' my children to fulfill me. (Never mind the income that would be lost as a result if I were to stop working!)

In retrospect it's amazing how many people have opinions on what other people should or shouldn't be doing!

But the bottom line is, there are contradictions everywhere. (Even something as simple as eating eggs -- they're good for us, no wait, they're bad for us.  Aha, they're good again! Unless we look at the political side of eating potential animals....never mind. It's an area of great contradiction!) So how do you know what's right, or more importantly what you should do?

My answer is no great surprise, I'm sure. In fact, Theodore Roosevelt said it famously, I believe: "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."  I may not get it all right (okay, let's say 'probably don't' rather than 'may not'. ;-) ) but I do the best I can with the information and intelligence that I have available to me at the time that I have to make a given decision. There are many choices that won't be right. (For example, I still lock my car doors. And if I find myself upside down on an M road some day I may regret that choice, but it still seems the most sensible course of action right now for most of the time.) But at the end of the day, I have to do the best I can in the moment and be willing to live with the consequences of that afterward.

And to me, that's the very definition of many worthwhile things -- being a parent, being an adult, particitpating in a relationship, etc.  You do the very best you can when the issues arise and then you face up to the consequences when they come.  So contradictions will most certainly continue to pop up, especially in this enlightened information age. (Everybody has an opinion, and likely the statistics to back it up, right?) But me, I'll just be carrying on, evaluating all the information as it comes, but in the end just doing what I think is best.

After all, what more can any of us do?