LeanneBennett.com

Twilight: A Vicarious Thrill

You know, I think I get it.

Tonight my mother-in-law and I watched Twilight: Eclipse. Good film! I really loved the Twilight books, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the movie series as well.

But I finally 'get it'.

Why do young girls scream at these movie openings? Why are young adult women drooling over Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson?  Why are middle-aged women falling in love with vampires and werewolves?

It's what I call 'the clench'. It's that gut-level, almost visceral, reaction you have to seeing THE ONE PERSON who does it for you. Even across a crowded room, it's that feeling you get/got when you see/saw THE ONE.

Now, if you've been with your 'other half' at least a year or more, then 'the clench' is most probably just a fond memory for you. (You probably won't believe me when I say it's lasted for me, but hey, you're just bitter. ;-) ) You most likely don't 'feel it', at least at a gut level, when you look at your other half.  Never mind what you DO feel when you look at your other half, 'the clench' eventually dissipates, goes away, at least for most people as the years pass.

But, it's not all doom and gloom, folks. Why, you ask??? How could this be, you say?

Because 'the clench' can affect you, even vicariously!

That's right, you can feel 'the clench' even when you watch another couple experience it. (*note - mind you, this *might* be a woman thing -- I have no proof that men feel this stuff. But women, YES! 'We' feel it!!)

So what is all this Twilight stuff about? It's about 'getting it', or feeling 'the clench', when you watch these Bright Young Things interacting on the screen. When Edward kisses Bella, when Jacob kisses Bella, when Bella kisses anybody, it's not about THEM; it's about experiencing that thrill all over again yourself.

So no, I'm not feeling hot feelings for a 16 year-old; I'm reliving my youth through him/her. And hey, the upside is, it's all perfectly normal.

My grandmother (god rest her soul) may have said (over and over, thank you) that she didn't like 'second hand love', but hey, she had her (big) stack of paperback novels with young men wearing very few shirts on the covers.

Me? I have Twilight! And all its sequels...

Roll on vampires and werewolves!!!

I'm an iConvert! (not an iHypocrite, Mr Bennett!)

I have an iPhone 4.  

I still can't really believe it when I say, or type, those words. But, apparently, judging from the beautiful mobile phone sitting next to me, it's true. I have an iPhone 4.

And it's wonderful amazing incredible -- adjectives fail me.

Thank you, Mr Jobs, for putting your company's name behind something that actually does what it says on the tin. Even as amazing a tin as you showed in your demonstration. The iPhone 4 simply delivers.

It's sexy. The glass is beautiful and it feels good in your hands. The screen response feels almost as real as if you were touching the words themselves. The clarity, Oh My Word the CLARITY, is just unbelievable. I've never had a phone like this.

And suddenly, it's all I want to do. I want to read books on my Kindle and iBooks software. I want to check Weather Pro to see what the weather's like here, or where I'm headed on holiday soon, or at my mother's house in Mississippi. I want to take amazing photos with my Camera+ software. I want to search the Internet with my inbuilt Safari browser. I want to check in with Foursquare. I want to try to beat those dratted green pigs with my Angry Birds. I could literally keep myself busy the entire day long and never get bored. And if, by some chance, I actually do become bored, I can go to Apps Store and get some more.

I think I'm in danger of moving from iConvert to iAddict! :-o

And as for the iHypocrite thing. My husband tried to accuse me (never mind that he's tried to convince me to get an iPhone for years) of being a hypocrite, loving this phone so much when I've shown zero to little interest for years. (I've played with his iPhone 3GS numerous times, and yes it's nice, but I wasn't certain it was what I wanted.) No, Mr Bennett, I'm NOT a hypocrite; I'm simply convinced. :-)

THIS is the phone I've wanted and been waiting for for years. Thank you, Apple! Thank you, T-Mobile! You're both wonderful.

Right, talking about it so much has made my attention wander back to the product in question. I'm off to play with my iPhone now. 

Will I Ever Get Over It?

I met a friend of mine today, one I hadn't seen in a quite a while. Me, being me, I was just myself; friendly, approachable, Me! And she was, well, reserved. Hhhhmm.

The background is I used to work with this person. We shared an office, confidences, our lives. And then, damnit, I went and got another job.

And things have never been the same since.

Should I be punished for moving to something better for me? Well, probably not. Moving on, and especially UP, should be encouraged.

But, AM I punished? Well, yeah, maybe a bit.

And not one thing I can do about it. *sigh*

My husband, says "let go and move on". And I'm trying. But is it ever that easy??

Here's to old friendships that you thought would never die....but they did. 

Google has Changed my Life

Google has literally made me a better person.

No, this is not an advertisement, and I'm not being paid by Google.  I just feel compelled to share how Google has changed my life.

When Google came out with Gmail, I jumped on board immediately.  Here was mail that was classy, carried the Google name and had spam filters the likes of which had not been seen before.  I became a Gmail user as soon as I could wangle an invitation, and I've never looked back.  Even my old email accounts that I carried over are now set to come through my Gmail, and I can reply using those accounts as well if I want to.  I make extensive use of labels (now with colour coding!) and filters, so now I never miss an important email. (Like from my mother -- Hi Mom!! <waving>)  And I can even change my colours and appearance in my mail box if I want to.  My email is damn near perfect, and yet Google continues coming up with new ideas that make it even better for me.

After such a success with Gmail, I could have been happy if Google had never brought along anything else.  But did the good folk at Google rest on their laurels?  No, indeed they did not!

Google Docs was a bit of a mixed blessing.  It isn't Word on the Web, but it does work in certain situations where you need to share spreadsheets or wordprocessing documents.  No miracles there, but still very useful when you need to share documents with someone else.

But the thing that has impressed me the most, helped me in myriad ways, actually changed my life?  What would that be?  Google Calendar.  It's marvelous, it's wonderful, it's made me a better person.  How can a calendar make that much of a difference?  Because it emails me every time I need to remember something.  Who would have thought something so simple could change everything?  Certainly not me.   But it has.

To be fair it was my husband, Mr Twittercism, who pointed out that here was a calendar that didn't have to depend on pop-ups or sounds to alert me; it can email.  I live and die by email, and generally I'm good about checking at least the highlights.  With Google Calendar *I* am in control of the emails as well.  I can choose how many to have it send, how many days (or even minutes) before to send,

and using my filters in Gmail, I have every reminder email come into my inbox starred so it's harder to miss.

Google Calendar has really changed things for me.  I don't miss doctor's appointments anymore.  I remember dress-up days for my kids at school.  I can finally remember party dates and even notify myself in time to remember to buy a present!  AND I can invite other people (whether they're actually attending the event or just need to know about it) as well.

I think it's pretty rare that most people can say a company or a piece of software has actually radically changed, and improved, their lives.  In this case, hand on heart, I can honestly say that Google, and especially Google Calendar, have done it for me.  Thank you, Google!!!

Maintaining....Or At Least Trying To.

I'm not good at maintaining things day to day.  I know this about myself.  I've known it for quite some time.  Still I try to do it, because it's a part of my internal vision for balance in my life.  Part of having balance is doing the routine and doing it well all the time.

I'm just not good at that.

It doesn't help that my other half isn't good at it either.

Don't get me wrong we know we have lots of good points -- great in a crisis, very creative and full of ideas, able to make something from nothing, these are all good traits.  But common everday things on a regular basis?  Not so much.

Even keeping up with my blog is a struggle.  I have great ideas all the time: sitting at my desk at work, driving in the car, even sitting in the hairdresser's chair this morning.  But follow through, especially when trying to maintain routine, is harder to manage.

Things are easy for me to accomplish the first time I do them.  Even the third time is still pretty good.  But when days slide into weeks, I know I'm not so good.

But the struggle to improve goes on.  I believe that if we don't strive, even for things we're not sure we can, maybe especially things we're not sure we can reach, then we don't get anywhere.

I once read a quote from Diane Sawyer that said, "The dream is not the destination but the journey."

Even though I think some people see a quote like this as perhaps cheesy or trite, I've always believed there is truth there.  The real goal is in the doing not necessarily the achieving.  It's the achievements that we recognise and celebrate, and maybe rightly so, as they are our milestones to show progress on our individual journeys.  But it's the doing and the living and the being that I think matter, especially as those moments are what make up most of our lives.

So I know I'm not good at the day to day.  But I'll never stop trying to be.

Appreciating the Unexpected

My daughter started school yesterday.

She looked so tiny (and yet more grown-up than usual) in her little pinafore dress and polo shirt underneath.  She was in love with her school shoes that have light-up butterflies every time she takes a step. (Courtesy of grandparents -- not something I would normally pick out!)  Getting ready took forever, and I had to answer at least a million questions about what we were doing and when we'd do it and how long everything would take and what would happen after that, and on and on and on.  And this after weeks and weeks of discussing school, explaining our schedule for getting there, talking about who would be there, naming things she'd be likely to do, etc., etc., etc.  You just can't explain it all!

And yet there were still surprises.  I was shocked at how calm and collected my surely-very-nervous little girl was.  I was surprised that she left us with hardly a backward glance. (Of course, it was to Breakfast Club, accompanied by her brother, but I honestly expected a bit of clinginess.) And I was very pleased and slightly bemused, to see her come out of school with a beaming smile on her face, waving a painted picture in one hand and a constructed something she called 'a dinosaur' in the other.  What a delight!

You see I'd worried over this.  Not for myself -- I shed no tears at all; I knew she was ready and I believed she'd love it in the long run.  But I'd worried that in the first days she would struggle to cope with the crowds of little people (her class has 30 pupils, her year group 90 and the whole school over 600) or the noise or the fact that she'd never been to nursery. ('Nanny' had been her sole keeper since I'd had to return to work when she was 5 months old.)  My husband and I even took the day off work to see her there and back ourselves.

But my daughter was a trooper.  She surpassed my expectations and she still keeps on surprising me.  Especially when she showed complete amazement that we expected her to go to school again the very next day! :-D

Day 2 has now passed without a hitch, with a smiling girl met by Nanny at the end of her school day.  Yes, I know there will still be bad days, and I know things will go wrong.  I don't live entirely in a rose-coloured world.  But I just like to be appreciative when things go oh-so-much better than expected.

When is a Kid not a Kid?

I have a 13 year-old son.  Sometimes I have trouble believing it, but it's true.  I've suddenly become the mother of a teenager.

Because he's very bright, over the years it's often been easy for me (and my husband -- we've compared notes!) to forget that my son is actually still a child.  When you've got this intelligent, well-spoken, involved little person around, you start to behave as if this person is an adult.  Believe me, it's easier done than you might think!

But I'm finding as my son has moved into the beginning of the teenage years, this is even easier to do.  He's taller, and his body is just beginning to change so that it looks more and more adult all the time.

However, I must keep reminding myself he's still a child, even with his growing body, his swirling emotions, his surprising outbursts and his flashes of rebellion.  He is still my child.

I am the adult in our relationship.  I am the person responsible for him and his welfare.  I am still the person who has the final say on the decisions that are made.

But now, at this stage of his life, I have a very large balancing act on my hands.  I have a child, in an approaching-adult body, who now sees himself as an independent person. (Mind you, I think in some ways he's seen himself as an adult from about the age of 5!  I remember on his 9th birthday he asked me could he start taking driving lessons now.  Sheesh!)  And in many ways, I must let him.

Don't get me wrong -- I've always encouraged independence in all my children.  I've seen them doing things for themselves as a good thing.  I've always been happy to let them learn to take over whatever activities and responsibilities they are capable of, so even with a 13 year-old, this is nothing new.

But now, with this child, things are changing.  The 'letting go' has to be bigger and more direct.  He wants more freedom -- to choose his activities and his friends, to have control over his school life, even to set up his computer as he likes it.  I must let him make choices (and mistakes) of his own, while still making sure he is safe and cared for.  Now, more than ever, I feel how very fine a line that is.  I have a volatile, emotional, sometimes out-of-control person around, who is also a sweet, funny, caring and lovely kid.  Now, more than ever before, do I feel the need for balance.  And wisdom.  And being able to admit where I'm wrong and put things right again.

I think one thing on our side is that I see this as an adventure.  My child is well on the way to becoming a man.  Sometimes I can catch a glimpse of that man of the future, but I'm content with my ever-changing kid of the present.  And just so I don't get too comfortable, that kid grows and changes in fits and starts so that I have to keep re-evaluating and rethinking his reality and my reactions to it.

Yes, there are days I could (and probably do, now and then!) scream in frustration, but hopefully those are the exceptions rather than the rules.  I am very conscious that my kid is trying to race toward adulthood, and I must be both cheerleader and brake pedal, silent observer and vocal contributor, as well as mother and (hopefully) friend.  A very tall order for anyone, but one I hope I am able to fulfill, as well as possible for the sake of both of us.